Social Workout

Workout

long run, the 7th: fail.

I had planned ahead for a run taking me around Berlin, passing some of the important sights and going through a number of neighborhoods. It should have taken 20 miles. It ended up being just under 11.

It started out with the right intentions and a pretty positive attitude, but soon, as I passed Checkpoint Charlie, Potsdammer Platz, and Brandenburg Gate, and then entered Tiergarten park and made my way to Castle Charlottenburg, I became aimless. I didnt know where to run. I started feeling confused and lost, and with that I became lonely. Then, I became sad. Then, I didn't want to run anymore.

I sat down in the beautiful castle gardens and watched as others enjoyed their time with friends and family and it hit me once again that I didn't know this city or anyone in it. I sat for a while and finally gave myself permission to simply run home. I made it another 15 minutes but again stopped, not knowing how to process my feelings. I started up again a few minutes later, when it started raining. And, like in a clicheed movie scene, I was standing under a tree, looking at the empty streets, and I didn't know where to go. Home was too far away to run in that rain and I didn't know where the subway was. Miserable. And, just like that I gave up. When the worst of the rain had passed, I found the subway stop and made my way home.

I could have run. My body wasn't hurting. It wasn't even tired. My mind, however, wasn't willing. Giving up is something I don't do, and so, it was the most upsetting part of all.