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I Cried During Yoga

So, after an incredibly hard week last week during which I did not exercise ONCE (not counting the walking to and from work every day), I finally got down on the mat on Sunday afternoon for 90 minutes of practice via Yogaglo.com.  The entire practice, courtesy of Tara Judelle, was about how we move through transitions-- how sometimes hit that place where we knew where we were once, but don't now, and we have no idea how we're going to get to where we're going next but we do know that it's going to be vastly different.  How we move through those transitions requires a lot of attention, effort and grace. 

This was very apt for my life at the moment.  I have been going through some very tough personal stuff (thank goddess for the saint that is Mr. Joesgirl), and I'm having to reinvent my life in ways that I never would have otherwise predicted.  Anyway, while I was finally down on the mat yesterday, I hit something like my fourth triangle pose.  I hate triangle pose.  Despise it.  But I was hanging on, talking to myself about how yoga asana is always an instruction in life off the mat, and if I could just hang on through this fourth triangle pose, I could hang on through anything.  It felt like a total fucking lie, and I burst into tears . . . but I still stuck the pose while sobbing.

And surprisingly, once I cried, I felt a lot better.

And I was reminded that there has always been something true for me about yoga: sometimes it is really hard, but you always get out what you put in.  And as I start the process of reinventing my life, I will also get out what I put in.  I need to find a way to treat myself with affection again in spite of the fact that the path I'm on now will be so different from what I envisioned. 

I'm working on it.