Hopkins R.
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Hopkins R.
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The Goldman Sachs Steam Room: Where the Big Deals Don't Happen
According to the old trope, all the important business happens in the locker room. That's where the boys hang out, steaming away half naked, with endorphins jangling, ready to commit serious capital. Well, if there's still any truth to the saying in this era of co-ed executive teams, private trainers and home gyms, then you might wonder which locker room today attracts the big swinging, um, power brokers. The Racquet and Tennis Club on Park Avenue, you say? Too obscurely WASPy. The Reebok Sports Club in midtown? All media glitz, no real capital. David Barton Chelsea? Come on, the Gays are not yet that powerful. What's that leave? Well, how about the new 54,000 square foot gym at 200 West Street, i.e. the in-house gym deep inside the worldwide headquarters of Goldman Sachs?
After a few months of sleuthing, our sources finally penetrated the inner sanctum of the most powerful bank on the planet. They attempted to blend in, while scanning the joint for unrepentant derivatives traders pumping themselves up with kettlebells to sell short some small European country. They examined the spin studio for signs of German electronica and thrash metal, and they spent long hours in the steam room waiting to hear something worthy of mention. The upshot?
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Further intel! (Really just basic facts that we forgot to include in the main post.) The Goldman gym actually has a punny name. It's called the "Goldman Sachs Fitness Exchange." Ha ha ha ha! Right, but here's the best thing: The Goldman gym's pricing model. Now you might think a company that generated $13 billion in profits last year in the face of a worldwide recession might, say, give away gym memberships to its overworked staff. C'mon, don't be such a communist! Everything must have a fair price to make the market work. OK, so Goldman people pay for their gym, BUT you'll be pleased to know that there is at least a sliding scale for monthly gym membership fees, as follows:
- Managing Directors: $132
- Vice President: $75
- All other employees: $51
Where to begin with this? First, this would seem to suggest that there are only three relevant levels of hierarchy within the Goldman empire. Yay FLAT bureauracy-free management structures! Or perhaps BOO extreme concentration of wealth at the top! But the really wonderful thing is the huge $57 break that Goldman Vice Presidents get on their gym fees vs. the "MDs." Look, an MD might make $20 million a year and have several hundred million in Goldman stock, and so he or she can afford that extra $684 a year. But a poor vice president is probably only making a few million a year, and those savings go directly to the outrageous cost of private schools on the upper east side. Hurray for progressive sliding scales!
Posted in response to: The Goldman Sachs Steam Room: Where the Big Deals Don't Happen
on 1 year 40 weeks ago by Hopkins R.