Men's Health
Caffeinated Wellness
Starbucks Gets Into the Fitness Biz
You know how Starbucks has free internet now? Well, starting this fall their in-store Wifi will feature six online channels: News, Kids, Business & Careers, Entertainment, My Neighborhood and Starbucks, and Wellness. The Wellness content will be brought to you by Rodale, the peeps behind Men's Health and Women's Health. It would not be unreasonable to accordingly fear an onslaught of "wellness" content on advanced kissing and how to be as hot as a vampire. But maybe it'll be better than that. One wellness feature Starbucks/Rodale is promising: A "Run, Ride, and Walk Finder "with geo-targeted maps of more than 300,000 routes that highlight Starbucks stores along the way." As long as you don't actually stop at every Starbucks along the way, could be cool...
Summarizer
September Women's Health: Brooklyn Decker Is Definitely Coming On To Me
My Men's Health and Women's Health magazines both arrived this morning. I got them mixed up because Brooklyn Decker is definitely giving a come hither look on one cover, which I figured just had to be for Men's Health. Nope. It's WH. Apparently, she wants to have sex with me, a heterosexual woman. Which is kind of weirding me out and kind of turning me on. I mean, I'm flattered, Brooklyn. Thank you. Other ladies inside WH are also totally coming on to me. For the "Find a Lighter Fall Fragrance" article, there's a reclining gal in sexy underwear rubbing a perfume bottle cap all over her bosom. Also of note, WH's Sex+Love column for the month is called "Kissing: The Advanced Course," which I thought was a patented Cosmo title, but apparently not. All the "racy" tips after the jump.
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Direct Quotes From this Month's Men's Health
- "When I took off my shirt, all the girls were, like, "Oh, look at your abs!' And I was, like, 'Yeah!'" — Kellan Lutz, aka the other vampire guy from the Twilight movies.
- "Snap a close-up of a small area of your body, your flexed thigh, your ribs, anything with some definition. Send it to your girl with the message 'name this curve.'"
- "Look yourself in the eye in the morning and ask yourself how much time and talent you've wasted."
- "Don't drink from a hose — it's germy....the hoses's end may have rested in animal poop."
- "Don't zigzag. The bee can follow your scent and zigzagging makes for a lot of running but not a lot of distance."
- "Surprise your partner by giving her a new beach cover-up....If you give, you can remove."
Gym Poet
Rage Against David Zinczenko
I'm sure I'm biased by the sheer amount of spam I receive from Rodale publications daily, but I really have a new agenda: Anti-DZ. If you don’t know who David Zinczenko is, I suppose in the simplest of terms he’s the Editor-in-Chief for Men’s Health and Women’s Health, and the face behind Yahoo Health's "Eat This Not That" blog. Which is to say, he's got his well-manicured fingers all over the controls in the engine room of health-media-industrial complex. I simply think of D.Z. as that humorless manipulative bastard who mainly blogs to promote his crappy books. His articles are about as sociable and funny as those cardboard posters some bums hold up that read: "Not Gonna Lie Need $$$ for Beer."
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June's Men's Health: Some People are "Tasters"
Having sex just twice a week can boost your immune system by 30% Cut your drinking calories in half and you can lose 23 pounds of sugar-inflated flab this year. Cantaloupes, honeydew, and watermelon will help you stay regular. Kettlebell snatches burn 20 calories a minute. Josh Holloway of Lost says "I taste everythng. I even tasted the cream on my daughter when she came out of the womb. I am a taster." Building a big sandcastle at the beach is a good way to pick up women. The S-Works Epic Carbon Disc bike is the best bike for bombing down hills. You can teach your dog to fetch a beer. Your endocrine systems is "like your body's internal internet" and when your hormones are whack, the internet gets messed up. Soccer player Tim Howard rows in the off-season to work his core. A single Smoothie King Peanut Butter Power Smoothie has 1,498 calories and is the equivalent of 21 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, so never have one for breakfast again. If you're a suburban cowboy in the saddle of your toro lawn mower, with a six-shooter of pesticide at your side, you could be poisoning yourself. Use unscented, flavorless lip balm every night before bed.
Poet Laureate
Mohawk’s Got the Rants
Maybe I’m channeling msh258 here, but something about today seems like it deserves a rant or two. Lo and behold, I refresh my Yahoo news page and read this lovely article about new Wisconsin legislation that’ll slap a 10k fine and some jail time on health teachers if they teach kids about contraceptives because a) it’s illegal to have sex if you’re a minor in Wisconsin (HA!) and b) knowing how to have safe sex will “contribute to the delinquency of a minor.”
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Cardiac Surgeons Eat Turkey Sandwiches
What the mainstream fitness media desperately wants you to know today. Just FYI. ~ The Eds.
- According to Self, temporary tattoos are hot and legs are the new abs.
- You can look like Ivan Drago from Rocky IV if you sign up for the Commie Workout Program, says Muscle and Fitness.
- Yoga Journal follows Sadie Nardini to Toronto where she's drinking healing hot chocolate.
Poet Laureate
I’ll See Your Hip and Raise You One Air Hump
Another "Exercise of the Week" brought to you by Men’s Health spam email department. You want to rock your core, harden your ass, and bulk your quads? This move promises all that, and at the very least guarantees you’ll be ogled by fellow gym goers.
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Summarizer
Men's Health April
Cars! Beers! Breasts! Welcome to the April edition of Men's Health! You'll be pleased to know that this month's cover does not include the same headlines as last month. Yes, "20 Grab-N-Go Powerfoods," but sadly no "1,742 Ways to Get Better at Everything." As usual, we hunt down the tasty morsels like a big mama bird and drop them into your mouth. Next to each of the following factoids, please imagine either a very serious, very underdressed woman, or a freshly showered man reaching for a bottle of cologne....
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He Should Take Out the Trash, She Should Moan Like a Spider
March 2010, Men's Health vs. Women's Health.
MH: Ads for cars, blocky red and black font. WH: Ads for engagement rings, slim teal and black font. MH: Is there a flirting technique that actually works? WH: My boyfriend has slept with tons of girls. How do I get over it? MH: Oysters are protein-rich, which makes them the perfect appetizer. WH: Dairy makes you lose abdominal fat. MH: Girls like it when you hold the door. WH: Looking at a photo of your honey's face can reduce physical pain. MH: If you have a long face, you should have a short beard. WH: If you have a toned back you should wear backless dresses. MH: When it's rainy, wear Ecco boots. WH: Calvin Klein makes hoodies for gym rats. MH: Paul Walker surfs. WH: Paula Patton does Ashtanga yoga. MH: Pork Chile Verde is a Healthy Winter Warmer. WH: Have a smoothie for breakfast if you want to look good on your date tonight.
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