Social Workout

Mandy Ingber: Musical Yogi to the Stars

I first encountered Mandy Ingber in an unusually good Self magazine spread getting all bendy with her client Jennifer Aniston. Ingber is a yogi to the stars, with requisite DVD, and at the moment she's on tour (as celebrity yogis will do these days) with Self's multi-city Workout in the Park series. (I don’t mean to be all pluggy, but I’ve been to the Wokout in the Park before, and it’s really kind of this awesome festival of spandex and squatting, and proceeds go toward curing cancer.) Anyway, Mandy was gracious enough to ditch Jennifer for a few minutes to hang with me and answer some questions....

What is it like to be a yoga celebrity? It seems like a dichotomy, doesn't it? It is a total surprise. I was not expecting to become famous for teaching yoga. I used to be an actress, and left that profession to teach, so it's kind of funny that it turned out this way. I guess the pressure is on to be more relaxed! And to stay off of coffee.

Summarizer

Hot Cocoa Is Good for your Genitals

Women's Health, December 2009

Spray tan fumes can make you faint, and ginger lasts for 60 days in your fridge. Lift weights to decrease backaches. Birth control pills increase the lactic acid in your vagina. [If you have one.] Ashlee Simpson looks weird with red hair, which may be the secret meaning of the headline "Ashlee's on Fire." Grainy scrubs fight cadaverous skin, and dip-dyed fringe dresses camouflage pear shapes; while sequined shoes make anything glam.

Practical Eating

Get Your Recipes from Men's Magazines

Today's fun gender role play experiment: Compare and contrast recipe-related language in the November issues of Shape and Men's Health! November's Shape includes five holiday side dish recipes. These promise to "trim hundreds of calories from your holiday meals," and they're "healthy enough that if you do [go back for seconds], you'll still be able to zip up your jeans come New Year's Day." (While reading this, I flash back to terrifying recent Women's Health article on "jiggle proofing" your thighs.) Meanwhile, the November Men's Health is running 50 recipes which will "fill your belly, build your body, and satisfy your every last craving." The recipes are "an opportunity to stoke your fat burners, awaken your senses, and even feed your soul."

Conclusion: The Shape recipes are actually good, but I don't care. I've already decided to never eat again. Men's Health is a comparative oasis of food and self affirmation. Ladies, if you'd like to join me in basking in masculine food language for the day, check out The Food a Man Needs recipe collection....

Summarizer

Women's Health November: Hide It Under the Mattress

All the magazines come at once. We summarize them. Sometimes thematically.

Close up of sexy breasts in cheetah print bra. Breastfeeding may dramatically reduce your breast cancer risk. Note to self: Procreate early. Uh oh, juice exploding out of an orange and phallic photo of a parsnip dwarfing a carrot. Gulp your OJ fast, lest it harm your teeth, and eat parsnips. Hello, a woman with glistening abs, wearing only a tool belt, hung with hammers and wrenches. Instant love fixes: Have stronger orgasms via deeper breathing. Boost intimacy by letting him watch you put on mascara. I'm on it. Now a super close-up of kissing couple, she pressed up against bookshelf, gripping it for support. Who says your period has to slow things down? Next page, same couple, still against bookshelves, his hands under her nightie. Scientists are discovering that your menstrual cycle can affect your libido in incredibly hot ways. Who knew? We like this article. Now a woman in off-shoulder sweater is giving me a devastating come-hither look. I don't really want the sweater, just to caress her shoulder immediately. After 100 pages of Women's Health I'm up for anything.

Media Filter

Gratuitous Sexy Photos of Hollywood Stars in Fitness Magazines

The September issue of Men's Fitness features semi-naked photos of Taraji P. Henson, of Benjamin Button and I Can Do Bad All By Myself fame. Being a curious woman, I clicked through. There are also sexy pictures of Rachel McAdams and Rachel Nichols -- all three listed under the label "Team Gorgeous." The galleries on the site are very slow, and the pictures not that sexy. On the upside, I did learn how to use sandbags to "build brute power," and about the virtues of "neutral grip bench pressing," and also some tips for grilling the "perfect steak."

Mainstream Media

Women's Health Cliff Notes

Read the April issue of Women's Health magazine. Ate lunch. Here's what I retained: Yoga can give you a hot body, but not if you do wimpy hippy yoga, where you hold poses and don't break a sweat. Go for the power yoga, and an occasional spin class. If done properly -- loved this, but it's sort of an unfair out-of-context-quote -- one expert trainer says that yoga is alot like circuit training.... Drinking water does (after all these years, they've proved it), wash away fat, and there are new surgical ways to deal with bunyons. If your S.O. is no longer calling you by your pet name, you're in trouble. He's probably cheating on you in your first year of marriage, a trend that is on the rise. Every woman has a money profile.  If I were a woman, I'd be among the 15-20% who are money "Idealists." (I found this survey uncannily accurate.) Wearing sunglasses in the spring helps to keep the pollen off your lashes and lids. Bok choy with snapper. Wear red, it's an aphrodisiac. If lost in the wilderness, one smart thing to do is to spell out "S.O.S." in a clearing. Another is to hang a colorful sports bra in the trees.