Social Workout

You Wrote We Like

i run to my own beat.

Over the past weeks I realized something: I don't actually LIKE to run with music. Sure, occasionally a good song can put a little more bounce in my step, but when it comes down to it I prefer to go sans ipod. At first, I couldn''t even quite make sense of this realization, since I have in the past sometimes used the lack of ipod to skip a workout (ok, that was a while ago) and the idea of purposely choosing to run without entertainment seemed crazy. Then, in thinking about it more, I realized that without music, I'm able to just let my mind roam and wander any which way. I get caught in loops of random thoughts or arguments, and go off on seemingly arbitrary tangents. I entertain myself.

What happens when I listen to music, is that I can't think...at least not as freely as I would otherwise. Sometimes, I sing along to the songs, but most of the time I just go into this odd, almost trance-like state. Far from being a good thing, it disconnects me from the experience of running: I don't listen to my body carefully. I don't take pleasure in the activity. And, after a while, I start seeing the songs only as indicators of how slowly time is passing and how many more songs I have to run. Once that happens, I start to feel the continuous pounding of my feet on the pavement or treadmill, the tension in my shoulders and neck, and perhaps the start of a twinge in my ankle or knee. All the pleasure of the run has by then left me.

Since this realization, I've started leaving behind my ipod as I tread through the humidity and heat. Sometimes I enjoy the company of another runner or even a whole group, but most of the time I just enjoy my own. I think about where I'm going and what I want to be doing. I think about the adventures before me -- my move to Berlin or the anticipation of running a marathon. I think about what I'll cook myself for dinner or when I'll see my friends. I listen to the birds chirp and watch other runners and cyclists pass me by. Sometimes, I think about what has already passed, and I realize yet again how much I've changed over the past years, and how I've finally gotten to know and accept myself happily and fully. And, caught in these thoughts, I am grateful.