Spirit Guides

Brad Roberts of Crash Test Dummies on Chanting, Yoga, and Fat Fucks

Brad Roberts (Via Uptown.)

Four days to the start of the Million Minute Month, and today we introduce another challenge Spirit Guides to inspire fence-sitters and fire up challengers-in-waiting. Regular readers will recall that Brad Roberts, lead singer of the Crash Test Dummies, occasionally chants in Susanna Harwood Rubin's yoga class, a few doors down from Social Workout HQ. Lacking both an expert in tantric chanting and a rockstar, we asked Brad if he would serve as a Spirit Guide for the challenge. Without knowing what he was getting in to, he agreed, and so below please find his take on yoga, obesity, kickboxing, swimming at the Chinatown YMCA, and fat Brits. Note for millenials: The Crash Test Dummies hit the pop scene in the early 1990s, and have released nine albums since, including this year's Ooh La La. Their breakthrough album God Shuffled His Feat sold over 10 million copies, and included the mega hit Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm. If you've heard the song, then you know that voice. That's Brad....

Briefly about me, and how I came to where I am. I was getting to be a fat fuck, and I decided to learn yoga. I heard about a teacher who swore and wore combat pants. Her name was Elena Brower, and her studio was right around the corner from me on broadway in Soho, New York. I got hooked, and now, three years later, I am ripped like Jesus! (He always has a sexy rockstar body when he's depicted on the cross — ever notice that?) Anyhow, Elena, who doesn't swear so much now, but packs the house anyhow, teaches John Friend's Anusara style of asana yoga. This practice is loosely associated with Dr. Douglas Brooks, who teaches the Rajanaka™ tantric yoga lineage, which involves the repetition of mantra. It's a yoga of knowledge. (Brooks has trademarked that name, because, it turns out, you have to trademark yoga!) Anyway, most people do them silently, but I, a singer, prefer to do them out loud. I do this every day, and have for four years.

Singing and chanting are not the same. Yes, you open your mouth and you make sound in both cases, but it's different. The kind of satisfaction I get from singing at a show is just a very general elation. It's about being able to do what I do well, and to know that other people are digging what I'm doing. When I chant by myself, or with others, it's definitely much more introspective.

I actually got creative with the mantra, and made a record. The mantras are centuries old, but I'm puttting them to very simple melodies. The record sounds like psychadelic King Crimson more than any Indian music. It won't be released for a year, but it's going to be a fucking great record. Anyway, I'd like to say yes, that chanting and singing all leads to the same happy place — that whole Baba Yoga, Kumbaya thing — but they don't. I hate that stuff. That's just not the way the world works.

How does the world work? Well, Bhakti yoga assumes that there is no meaning in the universe, and you do not have a destiny, and thank god for that! How boring would life be if you were just enacting some pre-ordained plan. For me, right now, life's just fine and dandy. I happen to be doing well now. I got a good night sleep. I took a great shit. It's been a good morning.

Growing up in Manitoba I was made to play sports, but I hated it. I'm a strong swimmer, and I'm Canadian, so I can play hockey, but they were definitely not activities that I enjoyed. I gravitated entirely towards music. When I was 39 years old, I went for my annual physical, and everything was fine. When I turned 40, though, I went in, and suddenly I had high blood sugar, high cholesterol, and even some minor liver damage. That was a wake up call. Also, the last time I went on the road, I'd finish a show and sign CDs, and these people — guys who were much fatter than me — would come up to me and say "WOW YOU GOT FAT!"

Now I'm 46 , and I do yoga three or four times a week, and that grim prognosis I got when I was 40? Gone! I'm in better shape than I was when I was 20. It's crazy. I'm 5'10", and I lost 35 pounds. Before I looked old for my age, and now I look quite a bit younger than I am. They talk about yoga slowing down aging — in my case it reversed it. I'm kind of looking forward to going on the road and looking good. It's like a fuck you to all those obnoxious people.

America is obese. It really is, with the exception of L.A. and New York. When you get outside the 212 area code: FATTIES EVERYWHERE. When you go to Italy and France, the obesity is just not happening. I'd say the English are constitutionally weakened by in-breeding and being an island nation. It's probably a good thing the colonials are coming home to roost, just to open up the gene pool. Lot's of fish-and-chip ass. Once again, London is different, though.

But I still hate exercising. It gives me no happiness. Yoga I enjoy, therefore I do it. The biggest failure between me and getting physically fit is that it has to be interesting. It has to be fun, or I'm not going to do it.

I bought a card for YMCA in Chinatown to swim, and I haven't gone there once! Because nobody is making me. If I lived by a lake, and it was summer, I would swim every fucking day. That's way different than dragging your sorry ass to the Y in Chinatown and swimming in chlorine with a bunch of other New Yorkers. I kickboxed for a while, because it was fun to hit things. But, first of all, I smashed my foot. And then I noticed that, rather than being cathartic, kick boxing just made me more angry. I'd be walking down the street, and I'd see some guy, and I'd start thinking what would I do do to take him down. I'd be imagining: "MY ELBOW. YOUR NECK. I COULD KILL YOU!" I don't need that going on in my head.

What about dancing? Well, I was raised in a culture which regarded dancing as for girls. It was totally clear. We were all young rednecks, and pot smokers. During the teen years, in my culture, dancing was for fags. (Forgive the rudeness, but that's the term we used.) You'd get beat up if you did it. It wasn't like Saturday Night Fever. I hate dancing to this day, except when I'm performing. But then I'm dancing by myself and for the audience.

What was god thinking while they were shuffling their feet? Well, he was hoping they'd be satisfied with his vague answers, and also thinking he probably wasn't doing such a great job.

[Alert to New Yorkers: Brad and the Crash Test Dummies will be playing May 15th at the City Winery. -The Eds.]

Comments

fan-tas-tic!

msh258's picture

I'm so psyched we've got two Virayogis on board as guides.  My home studio REPRESENTS.

joesgirl's picture

hee  I listened to the Crash Test Dummies when I was in grade 6... never thought he'd be inspiring me to workout years later!

 

gleam's picture

I take issue to the gross costal elitism and "fatties everywhere" attitude, not to mention the inbreeding comment - it's pretty un-yogic to be that judgmental...

I felt somewhat bad about my previous comment, but my fat middle American ass stands by it now.

erikka's picture

"coastal elitism" is too generous! What about the Bay Area for Chrissakes! College Towns, Hello! 

Although I have to admit I think I prefer gross judgments to yogatude, which is the worst of all. Or are they the same thing?

spindig's picture

different sides, same coin spindig.

I think he's an awesome spirit guide.  Not enough spirit guides say fuck that much.

sandyliz's picture

king crimson rules.

 

also, i like the antithesis of the current faux popculture Oprah shit.

 

everyone, actually, isn't beautiful.

 

and it's this irreverence that makes social workout not another whining diet/workout blog, come on.

Mr. Mohawk's picture

I had Crash Test Dummies on tape...ha!

Why don't I have Jesus abs yet? I do yoga!

sassletics82's picture

Wow. For the first time since I discovered SocialWorkout (6 months ago), I agree wholeheartedly with Mr. Mohawk! 

Great post!

maya622's picture

@mohawk - the irreverence is integral, agreed.

@sass - I know, right!

@maya - hahahahahahahahahaha

sandyliz's picture

I enjoyed this so much.  Good stuff. =D

zuzupetals's picture

@maya: since the only people who disagree with me tend to be the ones who do too much yoga:

 

yoga is bad for your health.

 

clearly, you have kundalini syndrome. best of luck ;)

Mr. Mohawk's picture

There's a difference between " irreverence" and being plain wrong.

You know what the healthiest city in the U.S. is? Not NY or LA. They don't even rank in the top ten http://health.msn.com/fitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100104508

Hmmm...what about fittest? We're not there either http://www.forbes.com/2009/05/22/america-fit-cities-lifestyle-health-hea...

Picking on fat people raeeks of classism and is shitty and never funny.

You can be amusing without using blanket generalizations and putting people down to make yourself look better.

 

 

erikka's picture

firstly, Brad, thank you.

secondly, Social Workout, thank you. so bad-ass in general. 

thirdly, i don't think Brad was poking fun in any direction except at himself; he got to a point where he really wanted to get his ass in gear, pull it together and get in shape. perhaps it's a stylistic/semantics choice, but i'm certain Brad meant no harm. he's more the self-deprecating, respectful-and-inclusive-of-all-people type of guy. 

promise.

Elena Brower's picture

don't worry Elena, erikka is the easily brought to argue type :)  especially if she sees anything that could possibly indicate elitism.  Its her brand of badassery.

sandyliz's picture

If I swear this much, will my posts still go up? I want to swear this much and have my posts still go up. Also, I still hate chanting.

Evangeline's picture

@ mohawk...this "too much yoga" people /yoga bad for health comment got my kundalini in a bunch. I don't take offense because unfortunately I know what you mean by this. I hate that yogi's can be jerks too when people are jerks, too.  However, f that...there are good ones out there! There are some yogi's out there that really do seek something more than a sexy yoga butt, an expensive and elitist way to socialize while doing party trick poses, or $120 lululemon yoga pants. There are some yogi's that indeed seek the greater good, in a non-elite way that does not exclude other groups and types. Honestly, 90% of the reason why I do yoga is to avoid being a total asshole, not to relax into one (because it's too easy to be shitty). :) It kind of makes me crazy when i see that the American Yoga suit can easily enforce the very same attitude it's meant to clear up. 

America has produced yet another phenomenal example of how to ruin something (see yoga, inc). If yoga means a union...the west has made clear divides within it and by doing so, many of us miss the whole damn point!! But, I'm still happy to see people at least trying.

That said, I'm really excited about Brad Roberts being a part of this site and writing to us so candidly. some of it was a bit chaotic and sharp, which is not really so "yogic", but maybe this: we're in nyc, which is chaotic and harsh. At least he's being honest with his own set of judgements, that is beautiful yoga in a way. Should the nyc yogi try to repress judgement? Wouldn't that be unnatural and create more issues down the line? Maybe at some point we don't feel the need to judge, because we become content!! worth examining...

urbansherpa's picture

sorry, that is such a long comment. i guess i was fired up. thanks mohawk for pushing my buttons (in a good "you get me thinking" way)

urbansherpa's picture

Brad is looking hot these days.  Thank God he cut his hair.

I was wondering about yoga. I am looking to start a practice, and the only thing that deters me is the yogatude, or at least my own definition of it - the insistence that you need to know all the different forms of yoga, maybe a little Hindi as well, and be all peaceful and drip love and light, and the opinion that everyone who doesn't do yoga is a conflicted soul.  I am so not that kind of person!  I hate on people sometimes, i get pissed off, I am a member of the Facebook group appreciating fine, upstanding young women who say FUCK a lot....  Anyway, I just settled on going to several different places and seeing what they are about and picking one.  Thanks to Brad, I now know that there is a place for people like us.

From what I have seen, it is fairly true that obesity is a regional thing.  if you go down south, obesity is almost the rule rather than the exception.  This goes for a lot of places outside the bigger cities.  I know it's now taboo to talk about fat people because the assumption is that you are belittling them.  I used to be one of those people, mostly because I was obese (I'm fixing it).  But fuck that.  Obesity is a problem that's going to kill millions of people and we need to talk about it.  Having said that, if there are asshole comments about obese people, that's another issue.  But no one should be chastized just for saying the word "fatty".  That's ridiculous, and chances are that people who call others on that are just as judgemental about something else.  Like me, for instance.  I'm way judgemental about that Tea Party crap.

mariposa_3676's picture