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Today, our "Featured Body," msh258, talks honestly (and in our humble opinion, quite beautifully) about eating, accepting positivity, and learning to love your body. 

I have made some poor choices when it comes to my health, well...rather when it comes to weight loss. The whole “issue” of weight became an “issue” sometime in early middle school via the usual mechanisms for those types of things – the nasty remarks and teasing of classmates. Well, I don’t need to go into details about any of that…many of us remember occasions of this sort. The first clear time that I remember making an active decision to want to lose weight was in 9th grade – probably precipitated by my family’s move to the U.S. from Switzerland and the accompanying worries of finding acceptance in yet another school, another city, another home.

I decided to use Slimfast. So, somehow I squirreled away part of my allowance (it was a fairly meager one as they go) and purchased the magical powder that would make me thin. Mind you, if my mother ever found out about this, she’d have some very strong “opinions” (that would be quite the euphemism), so this spelled the beginning of secret eating behaviors – quite probably the first step down a path towards disordered eating, if you ask me. I’d mix the slim fast concoction hidden away in my room , chug the nasty grainy mix, and then stow away the canister somewhere in my closet. Needless to say, Slimfast didn’t get me anywhere. The only thing it did accomplish is to solidify my notion that the way I looked was not the way I wanted to look, never mind the fact that I was never actually significantly overweight at all.

From there, I started experimenting with other ways to lose weight – skipping meals, eating rice cakes for lunch. These behaviors didn’t get "too" extreme (well, when you look at where they could go) …I don’t remember ever skipping more than one meal a day, for example. But, emotionally I was nose-diving. With every meal came obsession about what I “could” and “couldn’t” eat, guilt about my choices, and ultimately self-loathing about my inability to be “disciplined.” I was a mess. On the outside though, I had it together – making friends, kicking ass on the volleyball team, being an exemplary student. Everything in my life was under control, except for my eating. I remained on this rollercoaster, this fight for control through eating, through my high school and into my college years.

Honestly, not many people know about how serious my struggles with "eating" and "weight" have been. I only really poured my heart out to one of my closest friends. We never actually discussed it at length -- she actually seemed completely overwhelmed since she couldn't relate to my experience and didn’t really know how to handle the situation - so after that brief monologue I was never asked about it again and I never brought it up. Now, you all know. I’m not really sure why I wanted to get this off my chest, but in a way I see it as a final rejection of every idea, image and word that has ever made me feel bad about myself and my body. I’m no longer willing to accept anything into my life except for those things bring positivity and growth.

It's a journey, a long one at that, but I think so many people (and women especially) are on this same path. It's important to talk about it and relate to each other in ways that address those issues and don't perpetuate them. It's not a taboo to talk about your latest weight loss method or diet, but in a way it's much rarer and more difficult for us to talk to each other about what makes us feel good about ourselves and what we appreciate about our bodies. Let's change that -- don't talk down to yourself today, don't allow that nasty inner voice to take over and tell you you're not good enough. You wouldn't speak that way to your friend, right? Get out there and be amazed by all that you can do, by all the positive energies that are around you, and crowd out that other voice. If you don't do it, nobody else will.