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Holiday Challenge Poem

[Gracias Mr. Mohawk for A Launch Poem. -The Eds]

'Tis the eve before the challenge starts,
A month where heavy weights = shopping carts,
Where one aspires to get sloshed on egg nog
And make some bear-rug lovin' beside some lit up log.

We'll Shop in Peace, and not with 9mm piece,
Salute the Sun, or Pole Dance in fleece,
Read a Health Book in woolly socks,
Or sweat off our asses in a Tox-Detox.

We can Sweat Sacred, counting reps via Advent or Hanukkah,
Be Holiday Spirited, and pass the marijuanica.
(I stole that rhyme from Adam Sandler, btw,
Who wants to join me for some Divine Karaoke?)

Half your Booze with Glasses of Water, Unspike the Punch,
Join me for Reindeer Gaming after lunch!
No Elevators! Take the stairs every day.
Jesus H. Christ. Let me say that again. Take. The. Stairs. Every. Day.

Stand Up in Transit, or Flog Naughty,
Or try my feat and Make Out with Vonhottie!
Box at least once, and feel free to join me,
Or I'll be the tree hugger if your Pose as a Tree.

So to everyone, my dearest wishes and my full support, have fun!
And for you ridiculous over achievers who for reasons unexplained want to skip champagne bubbly and kissing on the midnight before January I'll be drinking for you... while you do the Midnight Run!