Outrageous

Best Equinox Group Fitness Class Names of All Time

And How About Those Ads?

EXCLUSIVE: By our count, Equinox offers 459 distinct "group fitness" classes. Some of these are seasonal, and there are no doubt a few discontinued classes listed on the club's web site where we did our exhaustive research, but, still, one question comes to mind: Holy Shit! The awesome fertility of the Equinox Group Fitness program clearly begs some explanation, a deep cultural reading, at least an economic analysis. We'll leave all that to the physical education PhD's or American Studies majors who we hope are following this space closely. Meantime, we'd just like to let the names speak for themselves. Without further ado, then, here is our round-up of the very best Equinox Group Fitness Class Names of all time....

Top Five Class Names that Shamelessly Use Sex to Sell Fitness

  1. JOAN'S ANATOMY
  2. RHYTHMIC POWER
  3. CORE POLE EXPRESS
  4. TIGHT END ZONE
  5. CLIMB-MAX

Top Five Fitness Class Names Conceived While on Human Growth Hormone

  1. ROCKBODY BOOTCAMP
  2. SANDBLAST
  3. HAMMERCORE
  4. BALLS TO THE WALL
  5. ARMED AND DANGEROUS

Top Three Most Helpfully Clothing-Specific Fitness Class Names

  1. STILETTO CAMP
  2. BIKINI BOOT CAMP
  3. THE SKINNY JEANS WORKOUT

Top Five Most Intriguingly Obscure Fitness Class Names

  1. MYSTIKAL MOVEMENT
  2. BO-HI-DO
  3. 639 KICK
  4. CHAOS TRAINING
  5. FUN WITH BOSU

Top Three Fitness Class Names That Remind Us of a Bad Taco Bell Experience

  1. YOGILATES CHISEL
  2. BODYBAR SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION
  3. CLAYMOTION SCULPT

Top Fitness Class Names That Deserve Their Own Category

  1. Best Pun: A VICIOUS CYCLE
  2. Lamest Pun: UPPER MANAGEMENT
  3. Lamest pun involving a TV Sitcom: WILLPOWER AND GRACE
  4. Most Texan: POWER HOOPIN' SCULPT
  5. Most Vague and Moralistic: BEGINNING REFORMER
  6. Most Questionable Spelling: WHOLLY YOGA BUTT
  7. Most Clever 3D ABS
  8. Most Likely to Embarrass Your Kid: TEEN BUDDHA CAMP
  9. Most Inappropriately Age Specific: TWEEN PILATES

That's all folks.

Comments

Ha-ha, funny post. I've been sitting on my rump at a desk job foreeever, and I read your brother's interior design post every day (more sitting involved). I spent 14 years in NYC riding, walking and blading everywhere, and the past 8 years (and 40 lbs) in the NYC 'burbs. Where I seem to do nothing but sit (car, house, desk). I am not "radically anti-sedentary," in fact I'm pretty much the opposite. Don't hate me. Hope that I get off my tush and just do it!
Please, once in a while feature something fun and fit out Suffern-way. I do have to say I despise the gym, but it's mostly in a jealous-I'm-not-its-best-friend sort of way.
Congrats on your blog and good luck!

fionakensington's picture

Yeah, the Willpower and Grace is a funny name for a class, but it is one of the best classes I have ever taken at Equinox. Sure, i can hardly dress myself or walk for at least three days afterwards, but the results are excellent. I have little to no balance, and this is one remedy for that. Just look at the woman who created the class: Stacie Lee Krauss. i have never seen a more toned woman in my life!!!!

mariposa_3676's picture

My favorite Fitness gym name is defiantly Bally Total Fitness, and not because it's exotic or because it is a reference to sex or I don't know what else, but because it's the place where I'm hanging out with my friends every week and for me this is enough to make it the most special fitness gym.

AliceWonderland42's picture

Great post. Thanks for posting.

melisa2's picture

This is really something!

torina2's picture

Funny post. Congrats on your blog and good luck

merkuri's picture

Just look at the woman who created the class: Stacie Lee Krauss. i have never seen a more toned woman in my life!

tokin's picture